The (Non) Party Inform!

Hey guys and gals, my name is MSpellz and I’m your new SAC for this semester. YAY! My friends, Big Huang and Chodeman, and I have got some great ideas for your new (non) party week!

Tuesday: Tuesday Night Rulings (TNR)

  • A mandatory four hour meeting where we go over our new drug rules and have hearings for all those pesky rabble rousers who broke them last week

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Wednesday: Pub(lic) Shamings

  • We get to throw rotten vegetables at those who broke the rules. Organic fun! lulz

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Thursday: Thursday Night Cleanse (TNC)

  • My fave day of tha week! Our biffles at the CPD come by with their sniffer dogs and cleanse every dorm of its drugs. SO CUTE!!!1

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Saturday: “Got 99 Problems, But a Legal Liability Ain’t One” Party

  • My friends and I share a glass of bubbly to celebrate the new, super fly social scene. Students share in the moment through silent studying and repentance (no shenanigans allowed)

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Your bfff,

MSpellz

 

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7 thoughts on “The (Non) Party Inform!”

  1. My best friend from junior high went to a party school for college. She wasn’t really that much of a partier going in, but she would send me emails about how sometimes she felt like the party scene was the only way to socialize on campus. Last year, she and one of her friends were hospitalized after taking a bad dose of MDMA at a dorm party. My friend’s friend pulled through, she didn’t. After she died, her parents sued the school for negligence, and they settled out of court. In the end, it doesn’t really make up for her death, but it’s still funnier than this article.

    1. It seems to me that the article is a satire on how the administration is intimidating the students to not do drugs, not the promotion of drug use. Imo, fear and totalitarianism isn’t the solution to stopping a growing drug culture (just ask the prohibitionists how well that well…)

  2. Honestly, I think that this is by far the worst article that the CI has ever written. I assume that the belief is that CMC is treating it’s student’s like babies but I’m sorry, following the law is treating students like adults. Not only that, but I believe CMC doesn’t treat students like adults enough. Adults, can’t go around getting drunk 5 nights a week and get arrested for public intoxication. Administration should start citing people for that, but it doesn’t. Even though they are getting more strict, they are still less strict that the police. Why don’t you guys grow up. And for gods sake if you’re gonna write this article at least have the ***** to put your name on it.

    1. Clearly you don’t understand the difference between public and private property, which is why the police isn’t on campus every day arresting people and getting endless amounts of warrants to search students’ rooms

      1. George – you obviously don’t understand that students live on CMC’s campus, as in CMC’s PRIVATE PROPERTY. Our rooms our not our own, and thus the school has the legal right to come inside and take a look around. You’re merely a guest here, renting room and board.

        1. CMC has the right to enforce these sort of drug rules on its campus; however, since it’s private property, the Claremont police department cannot just walk around the campus all day long without any reason or justification (this is one of the reasons why we have campus security in the first place). That’s what I meant when I mentioned the difference between public and private property

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